


Tears of a servant

by Hooded_Geek



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Arthur cant read the room, Gen, Merlin is a sad boy, Merlin is mourning, Minor Character Death, Other, Sad Merlin, Wills death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:34:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28111737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hooded_Geek/pseuds/Hooded_Geek
Summary: Merlins thoughts, feelings and actions during and after Wills death in episode 10 of season 1
Relationships: Hunith & Merlin (Merlin), Merlin & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin & Will (Merlin)
Kudos: 7





	Tears of a servant

**Author's Note:**

> Note that Some of the story sticks to the canon universe but then shifts away so this isn't All canon.

Merlin's world stopped, everything around him froze as his heart beat loudly in his ears. In that moment he didn't care if Arthur found out about his magic - He didn't care if anyone found out or what anyone saw. All _He_ saw was red, His body moves quicker than his mouth or brain as he catches his friend before he hits the floor.

Will Trembles gently in his arms as he groans and stutters in pain, Gasping for air gently as he found it hard to breath. This can't be happening, this shouldn't be happening, If they weren't distracted, If he hadn't use his magic maybe Will wouldn't be bleeding out in his arms right now.

Magic really was his curse.

If Arthurs back wasn't turned away from the enemy, Maybe it wouldn't be like this.

Will's breathing had become quicker and more panicked - He was in pain and Gaius wasn't here to help him and Merlin wasn't that experienced yet. They probably didn't even have the right herbs to help the pain or ease Wills discomfort.

"Get him inside" Arthur's voice was muffled to merlin, every sound but Wills uneven and sad breathing was. Wills small sounds of pain flooded his senses and made his chest ache, It made it hard to breath. He lifts his friend up with some help from other s and drags him inside. Now was not the time to panic he had to stay calm.

Will was gonna be okay

He had to be.

They Gently lay Will down on the table - Placing something under hi head so he was a little more comfortable. Merlin looks down at him trying to stop his hands from shaking but his enter body was trembling. The back of his eyes burned from the tears he was trying not to shed.

"That's twice I've saved you" Will says as his voice shakes from the pain he was in. Arthur looks down at him a confused expression on his face.

"Twice?" He asks

"It was me" He says nodding gently, Merlin shakes his head slightly not wanting to believe what his friend was doing "I'm the one that used the magic"

"Will don't" Merlin could barely force the words out - He didn't want his friend to defend him like this, He didn't want him to suffer for him.

"It's alright Merlin, I wont be alive long enough for anyone to do anything to me" That's when the entire situation hits merlin fully, Will knew he was going to die - Will even accepts that he's going to die. Merlin was the one who let him die and now he's watching his best friend - the only friend he had that knew his big secret take the blame for his reckless use of magic. Gaius was right like always. But Merlin didn't want this, Any of this, He didn't want will to die and He definitely didn't want will to take the blame for what merlin was born as,

Merlin didn't want Will to die a monster in Arthurs eyes.

But it was happening - Too fast for merlin to process and too fast for him to try and stop it to try and help someway. He knew he could help but, He couldn't use magic to save his friends life - he would just condemn him to a witch hunt if Uther ever found out and he was sure Arthur would tell him. He didn't register anything that was being said - Or even properly register the fact that Arthurs eyes were locked onto him.

"What're You gonna do, kill me?" Will whispers - even while he was dying Will was a cocky little shit, No, He probably was being a little shit _Because_ he was dying. Merlin gives a small glance to his mother, A look that said it all, that merlin should accept Wills sacrifice - that he knew this was for the best .That does mean the look didn't convey how sorry Hunith felt for her son and how much pain she knew he was in.

"no, Of course not" Arthur says, Probably because he was already Dying. He looks back at merlin and this time the young warlock looks back at him, Eyes glossy from the tears merlin kept at bay "Do what you can for him" Were Arthurs last words before he leaves.

They all do

Now all that was left was Will and Merlin. Alone in the silence

"I was right about him, Told you he was gonna get me killed" Merlin shakes his head slightly - He couldn't let Will die. He wouldn't be able to take it, He tries to keep Will calm anyway he knew how running a hand back and forth in his hair.

"No you're not going to die" he says finally shedding some tears. It was only him and Will together - no one would make any sarcastic comments about him crying now.

"You're a good man merlin, A great man." Will looks back at him clinging onto any strength he had let and forcing himself to breath even if every breath hurt "And one day you're gonna be servant to a great king. Now you can still make that happen" He forces a small smile to encourage Merlin to let him go.

"Thanks to you" Merlin whispers, He knew Will not only saved Arthurs life he saved Merlins too

"this Place has been boring without you - Good to see you again" Will wouldn't let his last words to Merlin be angry and hateful, He wanted Merlin to know he still valued him as a great friend. Merlin smiles and nods looking down at him

"You too" Merlin whispers

"Merlin" Will looks up at him, He could be anyone around Merlin, He was like family to him and Merlin could probably tell exactly was Will was thinking. "Merlin I'm scared" He looks back at him his own tears dripping down the sides of his face.

"Its Gonna be all right" Merlin says, Keep Will calm that's his objective not to Let will die in pain and fear. His own feelings mattered little in this moment.

"Merlin" Wills breathing becomes weaker and more pained "Merlin" His body continued to shake just a little as he struggles to breath.

Merlin watches as Wills face slowly relaxes and All sounds stop and he's left in silence. Merlin keeps running a hand on his head to calm him in his last moments, Wills eyes were still open but his heart wasn't beating and there was no pulse. But still Merlin didn't want to accept it, He couldn't bring himself to accept it.

"Will?" he says, Barley a whisper. His voice cracking as salty tears now streaming freely down his face as he didn't want to stop "Will wake up...Please...Will" He shakes his head shaking His friend as if to wake him up "Will?"

"Merlin -" His head shoots up to the door as he jumps in surprise, Seeing his mother standing in the doorway with a sad expression on her face and tears in her eyes "Its okay" Merlin shakes his head slightly, This entire situation is far from okay. He looks back at wills body

"We uh...we need to Bury him..." Merlin says taking a step back wiping his nose "He died as a warrior.. He deserves to be remembered as one" He nods to himself trying to convince himself he's okay.

"I'll tell everyone to go gather some wood" she whispers as she walks over to her son gently placing a hand on the side of his face "I'm so sorry merlin"

"Yeah Uh... Is anyone hurt? I can help I uh...I need to do something" Merlin had to keep his mind focused on something other than the sound of Wills voice in his last moments - He was so afraid. Hunith shakes her head at Merlin's question No one got hurt as badly as Will. Merlin sighs as he walks out and into the silence, the painful silence. He tries to stop his hands from shaking. Even the wind was quiet for a few seconds natures moment of silence for a fallen soldier.

"Merlin" Gwen steps forward only to be quietened by the young boy putting his hand up ignoring the blood on his fingers. He shakes his head and takes a deep breath

"Please, I'm fine." Merlin says - Obviously he was not - He takes a deep breath "I'm just...going to collect fire wood... For W-Will" He walks away leaving everyone behind. Branches crack under his feet as he enters the woods. Once he's deeper into the woods where no one could see him unless they went looking, He takes a deep breath and leans against a tree looking down at the fallen leaves on the ground. He closes his eyes and slowly lets out on quiet heart broken sob, His shoulders shaking with every small cry for his friend.

Will was his only friend here in Ealdor and he became like family to Will they were so close with each other. He fought for him, Fought with him, Lied for him. Will protected Merlin even until his last breath. And Merlin couldn't do a thing to help him in his last moments - Because he was weak and yet,

Wills lasts word was 'Merlin' 

And that was something that would Haunt him forever.

The wind howls through the woods A long howl that was so cold it could almost freeze you to the spot. It was long and loud - Almost as if the wind was mourning with Merlin as his tears fall to the floor and soak into the soil. He couldn't breath properly. His voice was shaking at every sob and pained whimper. He couldn't stop his chest from aching every time he thought about Will.

Why did it have to end like this? Why does everyone who knows the truth either Leave or die? Is _This_ His destiny? To have everyone he cares for ripped away from him one at a time? How is this fair?

Merlin silently watches the flames burn up the wood that his friend was laid on, He watched the smoke rise up and dissolve into the sky. He had come back with more than enough, He had stayed in those woods for hours in the hopes that when he got back everything would have been a lie and Will was alive, But that wasn't the case - because he isn't allowed to be happy. Everyone was gathered around the flames silently and collectively mourning the loss of their own. Arthur Stood silently beside him with his arms crossed- Merlin didn't know what was going on in his head. And he didn't want to know, Right now all he wanted was quiet, He just wanted to focus on the crackling noise the fire made as it burned.

"I'm sorry" He says quietly and almost hesitant, as if he was deciding whether or not to talk and all he said was a sad apology. If merlin was in a better mood he might have teased him, the prince of Camelot apologizing to a lowly servant. Kinda funny.

But merlin's mind was a storm of emotions that he couldn't be tamed with a few comforting words from his 'Friends'. He couldn't control the Grief that made every inhale hurt his chest and every second feel like hours. He keeps his eyes locked onto the Pyre, He didn't have any strength to look elsewhere. It was like a cloud of darkness had descended on his cheerful persona - chocking him to the point where he couldn't breath and every breath tormented his body as he realizes that he is still here, but Will isn't and that didn't seem fair.

"I know he was a close friend"

Incorrect Arthur - He was his Only friend. The only friend who knew his secret and accepted him without hesitation. No one was there to share the burden of grief and destiny anymore - Will was dead and Lancelot was gone and he was all alone in a world that hated his entire existence. Gaius wouldn't be able to share the entire weight of this burden and even then he would try and convince Merlin that his magic was a gift. What kind of special gift is it if he has to hide it? It was his entire being to some people. But with Will, He was so much more than that Will actually saw Merlin for who he was. Not some clumsy servant or a goofy fool, With Will around Merlin was... Normal.

Merlin never asked for any of this and now,

Death and chaos seemed to follow him wherever he went, Attached onto him just like the fate he had been destined with. The fate and pain he cannot ever escape. The destiny that drowned him, that was overtaking him. This was was too much for him to handle.

"He still is" Merlin says - His voice small and broken Like he didn't want to speak. He didn't have the energy to keep up his cheerful façade or to hide away how he really feels anymore. Merlin wouldn't let Will die in vain, He wouldn't let Wills sacrifice be forgotten.

He didn't want to loose the memory. Will will always remain his dearest friend.

"You knew he was a sorcerer Didn't you? that's what you were going to tell me?" Arthur says, Merlin almost wants to snap, to tell him this isn't the time to discuss such matters, Not to taint Wills funeral with his fathers hatred. But he couldn't, He couldn't speak about that All he could do was nod, and force out a small,

"Yes, It was" He whispers, He had to continue this lie - At least for a little while longest otherwise Will would have died for nothing.

"You know how dangerous magic is" He says, Merlin tenses a little and takes a deep silent breath to compose himself. Its beautiful when it wants to be.

But he can't deny it any longer - His magic caused the death of his greatest friend and It almost caused the death of Gwen because he was careless and left evidence. Magic is dangerous, But magic can be beautiful,

But not in Merlins hands, No not when He uses it apparently

"You shouldn't have kept this from me, Merlin" Arthurs tone was filled with sadness and disappointment. He starts walking away as Merlin finally cracks just a little bit, A sad bitter laughter erupts from the bottom of his heart, Everything he had hidden for so long as he watched Uthers hatred and madness Poison the land and the minds in his kingdom over his own feelings bubbles over in a hot burning pool of hatred at his center.

"So that's what you say" He whispers quietly but apparently loud enough for someone to hear "During my best friends funeral all I am met with is your disappointment. With your stupid poisoned mind that cant even open itself up to the fact this this man that...That magic saved our lives saved YOUR life. and all you still think about is how dangerous it is." He looks back up at Arthur who had now turned back to face him "I just lost my best friend and all you have to say is that I should have told you one of his biggest secrets... Why would I if you were to react like this... He was afraid of his magic he thought he was a monster!" He shakes his head, These were his own thoughts - his own feelings spilling out of him with no real filter, He was too upset to care right now. "Maybe I should stay in Ealdor... Clearly you care little for the feelings of others and only your own beliefs because you always think you're right" He shakes his head and turns his gaze back to the burning embers of his friend. Arthur was disappointed in merlin and Merlin,

He was disappointed in everything.

"Merlin" His mothers soft whisper Calms him somewhat she gently places a warm hand on his shoulder, "Enough - You better be going back to Camelot"

Merlin stares back at her sadness clear on his face, "I wonder if...if I was on that pyre - If I was just like will, If _I_ Was in Wills position...Would he call _me_ dangerous?" He shakes his head giving a small glance at Arthur before walking away to pack everything up leaving his mother behind.

He keeps his eyes on the horse as he saddles it up, He was angry at Arthur - He could have waited to do the whole "Magic is evil" Speech. He was angry at everyone, He was angry at his magic, It failed him again.

"Merlin" Morganas soft voice snaps him back from his thoughts he glances at her, A look of worry and...almost pity on her face, Merlin hates it. He's strong enough to handle himself after everything he's been through all he's suffered through all by himself "You know Arthur didn't mean that.."

"What? Calling the man who saved his life dangerous? By only seeing the _Magic_ Almost almost like...Uther... " 

"Merlin" Morgana didn't know what to say to her friend, She knew what is was like to grief but she was still lost.

"People should be judged on action _NOT_ Based on what they are, what they use, What they're born with OR what ridiculous opinions you have on what Magic is" Merlin couldn't stop the words from coming out, He was exploding with his own anger that had built up from way before he entered Camelot. The world was always cruel to those who used magic.

"That's treasonous talk" Morgana says, Concerned for her friend. She quite liked seeing his head actually on his shoulders. But she knew he needed this.

"What? are _you_ gonna tell Uther?" Merlin says, Morgana could tell he was tired - and that he was hiding something, So much more than pain and grief. She sighs gently and shakes her head

"You know I won't. He doesn't deserve that" Morgana sighs putting a hand on his shoulder "I'm sorry about your friend merlin, Truly. He was brave and selfless. He always thought about others. He seemed like a great friend" she says with a soft smile, Merlin sighs as his shoulders slump heavily. "But your anger wont bring him back"

"Yeah You're right, I'm sorry" He says, Morgana smiles gently and walks away, helping Gwen as she packs up. Merlin sighs and turns to saddle up Arthurs horse and his feet stop working as he sees Arthur doing it himself. What a surprise

"I'm sorry Merlin" He says not looking back at him, This was awkward after Merlin yelled at him. It was too awkward, Merlin laughs in an attempt to break the awkwardness he created.

"Wow you're actually saying sorry? Maybe you should give me the day off then" Merlin jokes with another laugh.

"You will" Arthur says finally looking back at him "When we get back to Camelot I want you to take some time...Its been a rough couple of days"

"Seriously?" Merlin asks looking back at him - This Had to be one of Arthurs not so funny jokes that he forced himself to laugh at "You're joking aren't you"

"No" Arthur says - No hint of sarcasm or jest in his voice "I don't know how you feel right now, I was young when mt mother died but.. I know how it feels to miss someone, This is the least I can do and, I'm sorry- I uh... I'm grateful for your friend saving my life - I'm sorry for what I said It was insensitive especially at that time" Arthur nods at him, Merlin comparing him to his father stung just a little - He wanted to be a fair and just King but he acts more like the hateful side of his father than he wanted to admit.

"Its fine." Merlin says looking away "You don't have to apologize, I should say sorry for speaking to you like that It was insolent" He shrugs climbing up onto the horse,

"I do need to say sorry And you were perfectly in your right, Just don't do that in front of my father." Arthur says with a small chuckle as he climbs on his own horse "And... Just so you know...If it was you in will's situation - If you... Had magic and I saw you do it, I wouldn't know what to think." He looks down at the horse "I don't beliee you have an evil bone in your body I mean" He scoffs gently "You don't even like hunting you're a wimp" Arthur laughs gently seeing merlin turn to him and frown before laughing gently.

"Arthur...I do have magic" He says looking at the prince "What do you think of me now?"

A small silence passes between them before Arthur laughs gently and shake his head.

"Please merlin - You're too stupid to be a sorcerer" Arthur says starting to ride back to Camelot, Merlin sighs gently 

"Dollop-head" He mumbles as he starts riding back too shaking his head as he relaxes a little.

He won't let Will die in vain, He wont let anyone die in vain because of his magic

Not anymore

**Author's Note:**

> Any mistakes feel free to let me know haha! I've proof read this a few times but Idk if I missed anything XD.


End file.
